What I learned at LDStorymakers

1. How amazing everyone is in person! It's been a week now, things have settled into place inside my crazy brain. And I'm still a bit blown away by who I got to meet and hang out with and talk writing for three days with. What a life we live!

2. How hard it is to sit in classes as a grown up! I am fairly certain I have ADD or ADHD. I was hooked for a few minutes in every class, then...well, lots of other things would enter my brain and lead me around and around and around. I'd come back to the speaker and pick up a thing or two and then some other brilliant (at least it felt brilliant for a second) idea would pop into my head and I'd be off task again. Three of the five classes I attended were very helpful, giving me things to think about while writing, ways to improve pacing, and hopefully some useful editing techniques. But still, sitting in class was more of a challenge at times than writing an entire manuscript. And I'm a teacher expecting my seven and eight year old students to sit still and learn from 7 hours a day. Hmm...

3. One class was on writing action with Sheralyn Pratt. There were twelve great points she discussed and presented. I like me a numbered list of things to do when writing, sheh had that. Here are the key ideas she believes to help strengthen an action scene:
1. Do what you write--walk through the motions, act it out, make sure it's possible
2. Use your verbs--stronger the better
3. Avoid passive verbs at all cost
4. Use dialogue strategically
5. Every sentence should move the action forward
6. Read other writers
7. Give it tension (don't make it easy)
8. Foreshadow the protagonist's successes or failures
9. Keep it tight in the scene, but let it breathe between
10. Have stakes
11. Keep it in real time
12. Keep it primal--instinctual/intellectual

4. Story Turns taught by John Brown was excellent as well. He believes that pacing is based and built around using turns.These turns raise questions for the reader and keep them needing to read further in order to answer them. To read more about what turns are and how to create them in your writing, visit John Brown's site HERE. I will have this in the back of my mind every time I write.

5. Advanced World building with Paul Genesse was interesting. He was very dynamic and his main message is to treat your world as if it is a character. Write it that way.

6. And again, meeting all the people I've "met" here in the writer world was AMAZING!

I look forward to using what I learned when I get to start writing again. I sure hope to go next year!

Did you attend LDStorymakers? Or another conference this year? What is something you took away from that experience?

Friday Spotlight-Brandon Ax (Author of Elemental!)

Today I'm spotlighting Brandon Ax, author of Elemental. His book sounds fantastic! Take it away, Brandon.

Tell us about yourself in 35 words or less—GO!
Wow, no pressure...lol. Okay, I am a writer, a father and a husband. I am slightly nerdy, but I am also 6'4 so I rarely get picked on for it. My darkest secret is(You did say 35 or less right? Oh well, maybe next time.)

I'm nerdy too but I'm only 5'4 and I don't get picked on either. ;)

When did you start writing?
Honestly since I was old enough to understand how. I wrote a book in first grade about my cat and one about a unicorn, my mother still has those. I guess I got really serious about it around the age of fifteen and started creating my own world to write in, several horrible stories later I started to get the hang of it.
That's awesome your mom still has your first stories. 

What is one pearl of wisdom you've learned along your writing journey?
Oh so many pearls. Hmm. I guess my favorite saying is, becoming an author is not a sprint it's a marathon. The only way to achieve this goal is to put in the time and the amount of time needed is different for each person.
Love that!

If Hollywood turned your life into a movie, what would the title be?
Nice question. Let's see. Cutting your way to the top: A Brandon Ax story? I have a hard enough time titling my books.
Haha, I like it!

Tell us a little bit about your book and what inspired you to write it.
Well, there are nightmares, demons, Elementals, but mostly it is a book about Sophia. It is about a girl who struggles with abandonment issues and with finding where she belongs in the world. I worked hard on making her seem as real and flawed as I am myself. There is love, violence and all the other goodies we like in an Urban Fantasy book, or any other book for that matter, still I hope it pulls on your emotions as well. I really set out to write about a strong female character that was real and someone of both genders could relate to. Plus the idea of people controlling the elements always intrigued me, who doesn't wish they could throw a fireball every now and then.

You had me at fireball! I love that you set out to write a strong female that both genders could relate to. They are my favorite characters. Can't wait to read this!

Description:
Sophia's mother disappeared when she was six, leaving behind a broken father and sleep disturbed by silent terrors. Now twelve years later, the nightmares that plagued her youth have suddenly returned.

With dark creatures occupying her nights and a sense of restlessness consuming her days, all she wants is to finish school and get out of her small town as fast as possible. Everything changes when she is confronted with the realization that the shadowy beings from her dreams are real. The truth of this reality hits hard when someone she loves is killed. It would seem that anyone in their way is disposable.

A mysterious boy named Aiden enters her life bringing with him all sorts of complications. They're drawn to each other, but their connection brings Aiden right into the path of her half-demon nightmares. With her father and several new friends put in the cross-hairs, Sophia must decide whether to let the shadows take her or stand her ground and fight. As the school year steadily moves closer to an end her decision may come with the cost of her life or worse—the lives of those she cares about.

Here are the links to purchase the book:

Kindle eBook

Trade Paperback

Here are a few places you can find Brandon as well:

Writer's Storm: Brandon Ax

Facebook

Twitter

Thursday Critiques: QUEST by Sania

We have a first page today! As usual, I'll post the excerpt with no notes, then with mine. And a big thank you to Sania for letting us take a look! Any notes or thoughts are helpful.

Nature lashed its fury against him. The clouds burst in a heavy downpour; the wind wailed and howled like a banshee; streaks of blue white lightning tore through the ubiquitous black sky. He was alone, metaphorically and literally- a solitary figure drenched in rain, bloodied with the accidental murder of a father he had never known. The heavenly precipitation mixed with his own tears as they slid down his cheeks and disappeared, mingling with the crashing droplets. Thunder boomed, interspersing the silence of death and decay.

Ryan stared at his rugged hands.

What have I done?

He clenched them into fists and gritted his teeth.

What wrong have I done? He abandoned me, us... He asked for it. And I didn't kill him. No. It was an accident. It was an accident. It was fate. It wasn't my fault.

Even as he tried to convince himself, a flicker of guilt crept over him. He wanted to explain. He was going to tell me everything. The letter. He wrote me damn letter!

Ryan rushed back inside the deserted house. He picked up the paper he had so furiously thrown in the dust bin just a few minutes ago. His heart fluttered as he smoothed down the edges.

Five minutes later, the guilt in his heart consumed him.

What have I done?

In the distance, police sirens wailed. A dead body. A suspect with a motive. A solid case.

Ryan gathered himself, ready to brace an onslaught of questions even as he struggled with his own.

Now with my critique :) 

Nature lashed its fury against him. The clouds burst in a heavy downpour; the wind wailed and howled like a banshee; streaks of blue white lightning tore through the ubiquitous black sky. He was alone, metaphorically and literally- a solitary figure drenched in rain, bloodied with the accidental murder of a father he had never known. The heavenly precipitation mixed with his own tears as they slid down his cheeks and disappeared, mingling with the crashing droplets. Thunder boomed, interspersing the silence of death and decay.

Okay, I like the opening, but I’d cut everything up until “He was alone” and start with that instead. One of the “rules” of openings is try not to start with weather, unless it’s absolutely necessary. I think you’ll have a much better hook if you start with the murder line.

He was alone, a solitary figure drenched in rain and bloodied with the accidental murder of a father he’d never known.

Much more hooky ;)

Ryan stared at his rugged hands.

What have I done? Italicize

He clenched them into fists and gritted his teeth. For flow, I’d say “His fists clenched and he gritted his teeth.

What wrong have I done? He abandoned me, us... He asked for it. And I didn't kill him. No. It was an accident. It was an accident. It was fate. It wasn't my fault. Italicize.

Even as he tried to convince himself, a flicker of guilt crept over him. He wanted to explain. He was going to tell me everything. The letter. He wrote me damn letter! Italicize again.

Ryan rushed back inside the deserted house. He picked up the paper he had so furiously thrown in the dust bin just a few minutes ago. His heart fluttered as he smoothed down the edges.

Five minutes later, the guilt in his heart consumed him.

What have I done? I think since he thinks this exact thing before, it loses its effect. I’d take one of them out.

In the distance, police sirens wailed. A dead body. A suspect with a motive. A solid case.

Ryan gathered himself, ready to brace an onslaught of questions even as he struggled with his own.

Really great opening. We get a sense of the character already in just a few words, and I like your writing style. The short and choppy sentences are great for effect, then you weave in the longer ones making things flow and also make them intense at the same time. Pulled me right in.

I’d rework you first paragraph so we start with Ryan. Put us right with the character instead of the weather. We care more about him anyway ;)

I’m not sure if it was the formatting when you sent it to email, but make sure, in third person especially, that any thoughts Ryan has are italicized. 

There were a few ‘telly’ sentences when I wanted to be shown what he was feeling. For example, “The guilt in his heart consumed him.” I want to know how that feels. “A sickening wave rolled through his chest and he clutched his heart, forcing the tears behind his eyes to stay there.” Or something way better. You get my point ;)

I think you have the beginnings of a very intense and page-turning story. Very well done on this first page!

What did you guys think?