Tuesday Recommendation: It's Getting Steamy!

 Hey everyone! Sorry for the late posting! All morning I thought it was Monday, lol.

Anyways, today's recommendation is for those of us looking to spice up the romance in our books. If you're looking for a book that does it really well, go out and get Elizabeth Seckman's PAST DUE.

Blurb from Goodreads:

Jenna Austin is a young, widowed artist raising a teenage son on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. As the costs of living in paradise rise, she struggles to make ends meet. Life isn't easy, but she manages.

When her car breaks down, she trudges on. She assumes life can't get any more complicated than it is. But it can...

Chance brings her nose to well-formed chest with Tres Coulter, the handsome, affluent aid to Governor Hunt. Jenna and Tres share a history; they also share a love they thought long lost. Their lives are about to be altered forever as the deceptions of the past transform the very foundation of the present.

The price of happily ever after may be too steep to pay once the past comes due.

I read this book in two sittings. I couldn't put it down! And holy crap, the beautiful thing about this read was the romance. It was pure and hot and the chemistry leaped off the page. The two main characters were frustrating in a good way... the kind when you wish you could shake one or both of them and just say, GO FOR IT! YOU'RE IN LOVE! Lol.

The relationships in this book was what built the story. Mother and son, father and son, mother and father, grandparents and in-laws, and just FAMILY. It was such a great story, and I'm going to be reading it over and over.

It's available on AMAZON, and you can also visit the author (who is one of the best people ever!) at her blog.

Monday Inspiration: Kimberly Gabriel

                                                                                               FreeDigitalPhotos.Net

Kelley is going to be a published author! She has signed with Sapphire Star Publishing and Fraction of a Stone will be released March 7th, 2013!

Congrats Kelley! We're so proud of you!                                                           


And now, I'm honored to introduce you to Kimberly Gabriel from The Art of Infiltration!

Welcome to Falling For Fiction! We’re so glad to have you here today!

Thank you so much for having me! I’m such a fan of your blog and am thrilled to be here!

Tell us about yourself in 35 words or less—GO!

I’m a mom, a wife, and a teacher who’s always stubborn, sometimes creative, and usually optimistic. I enjoy writing, reading, running and hanging out in Chicago with my boys (hubby and dog included).

When did you start writing?

In fourth grade, I remember putting together a book of poems that I’d written and giving them away as Christmas presents to my family and teachers (lucky them).  I drew a horribly fat bird flying on the cover and titled it something completely cheesy like “Being Free.” I’m sure my mother was proud. Since then I’ve gone through spurts of writing, but was always horribly self-conscious about it. Because of my insecurities, I often quit. About five years ago, I took on a more “to hell with it” type of attitude and started writing more frequently just because I liked it.

Thank goodness for the “hell with it” attitude and doing something you love! I am guilty of giving writing as a Christmas gift, too. J

What are you working on now?

I’m in the process of querying my current manuscript, a YA thriller titled THE BEAUTY OF DESTRUCTION. My clearly rehearsed pitch: Mia, a fifteen year old amnesic dead girl, gets stuck helping another lip-glossed and venomous teen prevent a vengeful school shooting, only to discover the real story behind her own murder.

I also have my next shiny, new idea rolling around my head for a YA contemporary with a dose of light sci-fi and romance (because I’m a sucker for YA romance).

This sounds so cool! I think I’ve seen your query in a contest before and was blown away by the concept! Sci-fi plus romance--yummy!

How did you start blogging?

I wanted to enter The Writer’s Voice competition back in May and needed a blog to do so. I was completely reluctant to do start one – I tend to be shy and introverted about that writing thing I sometimes do. ;) But once I started my blog, I really got into it. I discovered this whole new world of lovely and supportive people. That was the biggest surprise – how encouraging everyone is. Since then, I’ve really enjoyed it!

Wow, I could write the same answer, but I started last October for a different contest. J

What is one pearl of wisdom you’ve learned along your writing journey?

Only one? I’ve learned so much about writing since I started blogging. Even my first manuscript, which I thought was polished and ready to query back in January, has taken on a different form since immersing myself into the blogosphere. There is an influx of good advice and support out there. My favorite piece though is that the path to publication involves hard work and perseverance. I’m a firm believer in both of those. If you’re willing to learn from your mistakes and work hard – even if it takes multiple manuscripts, time to hone your craft, and plenty of tears/bottles of wine along the way – attaining an agent and publication is possible. Every time I find an author, agent, or editor saying that, I try to put it in my back pocket for the days when I really need to remember it.

Excellent advice, so true!

What inspires you?

At the risk of sounding overly sentimental…my boys inspire me. I want to teach my boys that while people should pursue whatever it is they are passionate about in life, most people have to work really hard to get it and be good at it.  That applies to entrepreneurships, relationships, sports, art – really anything.  It inspires me to write, and it inspires me to try to turn my writing into something more than ramblings on my computer. I also have a hubby who believes in me and encourages me in everything I do. That’s pretty inspiring too. ;)

Inspiration is even better when it goes both ways. J

Do you have a favorite quote or motto about writing?

One that sticks out is a James Michener quote that Melodie Wright of Forever Rewrighting has as her blog header. “I’m not a very good writer, but I’m an excellent rewriter.” I love that one!

That’s a good one!

Igniting Inspiration:

Plotter or pantser? Hmm… I try to plot, but my characters never behave themselves. Inevitably they end up massacring my initial outlines.

Drafting or editing? Drafting is more fun, but I’m better at editing.

Dialogue or action? Action!!

Facebook or Twitter? I’m terrible at both! I’d say I’m worse at Twitter, so Facebook!

Salty or sweet? Salty

Sun or snow? Can I add qualifiers? Sun with no humidity. I’m not pretty when I sweat. However, I’ll take snow over sun with humidity any day of the week.

Coffee or tea? Coffee!!

Early riser or night owl? I’ve always been a terrible night owl….early riser!!

Thank you Kimberly for stopping by and inspiring us! 

Go check out Kimberly's blog, The Art of Infiltration, where she posts about upcoming contests and hosts blogger interviews to help promote and inform writers. 

Do you have a favorite quote about writing that keeps you inspired?

Friday Spotlight: Writer Tip Blogs & some excitement

Happy Friday everyone :)


It's time for another spotlight and today, because I'm editing like crazy, I thought I would help you find some awesome writerly blogs for honing your craft. 


But first...


I couldn't not mention CASSIE MAE, a fellow FFF girl, best friend and incredible writer. She has bagged an agent ladies and gentlemen!! I'm beyond excited and want to scream I'm so happy for her! :) You can read all about it on her Blog

Now, onwards...

These are some blogs I've visited which found helped me, and I wanted to share:


EDITING
www.writingforward.com
Manuscript-editing-tips
Seven-editing-tips-for-professional-and-nonprofessional


SYNOPSIS
Charlottedillon.com/synopsis
http://writing-world.com/publish/synopsis.shtml
wildrosepress.us/publisher


QUERY
Nathanbransford.com
http://www.agentquery.com
/www.writing-world.com
and of course: Matthew over at QQQ


NON FICTION PROPOSAL
Greenleafliteraryservices.com
www.writing-world.com


MARKETING
Thecreativepenn.com
This is just a general website for marketing books:www.bookmarket.com


I hope some of those are helpful for you guys!


And, she doesn't know I'm doing this but I wanted to say a big shout-out to Amber Harville over at Unyielding. She woke up to a FULL request in her inbox this morning for the memoir of her life. It's a heartbreaking journey and you can read more about it Here. Her story is an amazing tale of strength and overcoming the evil in the world and I'm honored I was able to edit and read her amazing book.


So proud of her and just had to share her AMAZING news. Go Amber!

There is so much excitement running around blogosphere right now. I love everyone! :) 

AND... because this post is never ending. If you want to read a funny piece of flash fiction involving a frisky unicorn and a mermaid go Here


Jade Hart

Thursday Critique--Martin Willoughby

Today we have Martin Willoughby sharing the first 250 words of his WiP (a science fiction comedy).

Martin's original version:

My name is Mae Clarke. I was born eighteen months ago and am now 20 years old. My mother scares me, my father worries me and my pet robot still has a tendency to shed rust and shoot people.

The circumstances of my birth are strange. More than strange really. Being conceived artificially isn't unusual and hasn't been since the 20^th century, but the method used on me, and my parents was.

My mother was taken from her home when she was twenty-one years old and placed, naked and unconscious, in a large glass tube filled with a viscous liquid and attached to several small tubes for nourishment and sperm. My father, twenty-eight at the time, was taken from his home and placed in a similar tube, also naked and unconscious, with the same number of tubes inserted into his body for the same reasons.

They breathed through the liquid, in case you were wondering.

My father was, how shall I put this...stimulated several times a day until my mother became pregnant, a process which took about two weeks. After that, he was returned to his home, completely unaware of what had happened. My mother was kept in the tube for another week, before being removed and then woken up.

To say she was surprised is an understatement and to say she was less than happy about being strapped to a bed, woken up and sent to sleep on command would be wrong. She was furious. Even more so when she discovered she was pregnant with me. When I was born four weeks later, the growth having been accelerated, she was allowed to hold me for a couple of hours and then sent home.

Version with my edits/comments/suggestions:

My name is Mae Clarke. I was born eighteen months ago and am now 20 years old. Nice job setting up the intrigue here! My mother scares me, my father worries me and my pet robot still (take out the word still) has a tendency to shed rust and shoot people. Really like the quick description of these characters—makes me curious!

The circumstances of my birth are strange. More than strange really. Being conceived artificially isn't unusual and hasn't been since the 20^th century, but the method used on me, and my parents was. I’d like this sentence, since it seems to be important to the story, to have a little more intensity. Something like “Artificial conception isn’t unusual, hasn’t been since the 20th century. But the method used on my parents—to create me—not usual in any sense.” Again, you’re setting up a lot of the story with statements begging the reader to continue, nicely done!

My mother was taken from her home when she was twenty-one years old and placed, naked and unconscious, in a large glass tube filled with a viscous liquid and attached to several small tubes for nourishment and sperm. My father, twenty-eight at the time, was taken from his home and placed in a similar tube, also naked and unconscious, with the same number of tubes (consider using IV's or something similar to create a difference between "tubes") inserted into his body for the same reasons. These are very long sentences with a lot of information in them. Depending on the importance of each element in the insemination process, consider rewording here (sentence #1 has 38 words and sentence #2 has 35, totaling 73 words). “Mother was taken from her home at twenty-one. Father at twenty-eight. Both placed naked and unconscious into large glass tubes filled with viscous liquid, IV's inserted for nourishment and insemination.” (30 words)

They breathed through the liquid, in case you were wondering. Not sure you need this sentence, unless is plays into the story somewhere else. I don’t think this fact is important enough to make it on the first page, slows down the pacing. Although there is definite voice here.

My father was, how shall I put this...stimulated (hehehe) several times a day until my mother became pregnant, a process which took about two weeks. After that, he was returned to his home, completely unaware of what had happened. My mother was kept in the tube for another week, before being removed and then woken up.

To say she was surprised is an understatement and to say she was less than happy about being strapped to a bed, woken up and sent to sleep on command would be wrong (I think "incorrect" might work better here, wrong comes across as possibly done against her will, which obviously it was). She was furious. Even more so when she discovered she was pregnant with me. (remove "with me" because we know this). When I was born four weeks later, the growth having been accelerated, she was allowed to hold me for a couple of hours and then sent home.

The combined version:

My name is Mae Clarke. I was born eighteen months ago and am now 20 years old. My mother scares me, my father worries me and my pet robot has a tendency to shed rust and shoot people.

The circumstances of my birth are strange. More than strange really. Artificial conception isn’t unusual, hasn’t been since the 20th century. But the method used on my parents—to create me—not usual in any sense.

Mother was taken from her home at twenty-one. Father at twenty-eight. Both placed naked and unconscious into large glass tubes filled with viscous liquid, IV's inserted for nourishment and insemination.

My father was, how shall I put this...stimulated several times a day until my mother became pregnant, a process which took about two weeks. After that, he was returned to his home, completely unaware of what had happened. My mother was kept in the tube for another week, before being removed and then woken up.

To say she was surprised is an understatement and to say she was less than happy about being strapped to a bed, woken up and sent to sleep on command would be  incorrect. She was furious. Even more so when she discovered she was pregnant. When I was born four weeks later, the growth having been accelerated, she was allowed to hold me for a couple of hours and then sent home.

Nice job Martin! I have so many questions! I want to know what world Mae lives in, why she's telling us this story about her parents and how she was created, and why her robot shoots people!

What do you all think?

Hang on tight!

For those who missed the announcement of the winning HOOKERS, go here.

Today we announce the HANGERS!!! Winners receive a 10 page (double spaced) critique and a Friday Spotlight on FFF. We decided to list the winners and give a short reason why we liked them. Hopefully this might help everyone (including us FFF girls) see what works for the reader and why.

Drum roll please! The winning HANGERS are...

Wait for it....

Wait for it...

Haha. I'm trying to create suspense.

Hope's Hangers:
Winner #71 Deana Bernhart: "I register the whomp whomp in my ears the second I disappear." After reading her hookers, I was very intrigued by the story. This line leaves me needing to know what is going on and how time travel plays into it.

Honorable mentions (in order):
#45 Kimberly Gabriel
#28 Amy Sonnichsen
#52 Medeia Sharif
#43 Ilima Todd
#72 Krista McLaughlin

Jenny's Hangers:
Winner #45 The Art of Infiltration: 'When I open my eyes again, I find myself back in my own Afterlife standing five hundred feet above a city and a million miles away from where this story begins. Ch 14: From the tar-like shadows draping the corridor, he watches with supreme satisfaction the commotion he had caused.' I had to list both of the first 2 chapters listed because after the first one I knew I had to read more and as I read them aloud my husband was like, wait go back to the tar-like shadow one. He is a very hard sell because he doesn't read that much and he writes songs. So you have to woo him fast with image inducing words. And that is what these hangers did for both of us! (I did not let my husband pick, I promise, I just needed to read them out loud and he was in hearing distance.)

Honorable Mentions:
#35 Gina Denny
#51 Roxanne at Books and Blossoms
#53 Tyson McFrost
#71 Deanna Barnhart
#22 Queendsheena

Cassie's Hangers:
Winner #39 Gossip Girl: Her hookers were hilarious, and her hangers were just as awesome, I couldn't pick just one! It is quite an accomplishment to make me want to read about menopause, lol. "Do we get to a point in all of this mess where we are adding and sharing colonoscopy pics in the family photo album along with the grand kiddies pictures?" I still can't stop laughing!

Honorable Mentions:
77. Rena
43. Ilima
75. Danielle
91. C Lee McKenzie
80. Amanda

Kelley Lynn's Hangers:
Winner #51 Roxanne @ Books and Blossoms: "Nearby, anger rises with the delicate precision of a house of cards." The imagery of this is just stunning. When I read this I was like 'wow'. I know, from this hanger that the writing is just fantastic in this story.

Honorable Mentions:
#43. Ilima
#71 Deana
#75 Danielle
#22 Queendsheena
#82 Theresa Paolo


Jade Hart's Hangers:
#53 Frost Lord: If I don't destroy the plane my brother and sisters will die, but if do I'll end hundreds of lives. Love the stakes on this. Either let your siblings die or hundreds of strangers - the stakes are impossible.

Honorable Mentions:
#81 Soul Destruction
#64 1000th Monkey
#46 Write here, Write now
#89 Madeline
#78 Nancy S Thompson


Now it's YOUR turn. Are there any hookers or hangers that we didn't mention that are STILL sticking with you? Give em' a shout out below! After all, us ladies are just five women. There are many more opinions than just ours.

And thanks again to EVERYONE who participated and commented. Seriously, this was so hard to choose. You are all fabulous.

And we have picked our favorite HOOKERS!

Today we are announcing our winners for the HOOKERS part of the contest. Come back tomorrow and Kelley will announce the HANGERS. The winners today receive a 10 page (double spaced) critique and a Friday Spotlight on FFF. We decided to list the winners and give a short reason why we liked them. Hopefully this might help everyone (including us FFF girls) see what works for the reader and why.

Before I list the winners I want to say that this is the first blog hop or fest that I've ever voted on. And it was EXTREMELY hard. Seriously, we almost had 100 people participate and my list had so many of you on there. Every day I am blown away by the talent that I find on the internet and how wonderfully supportive this community can be. So thank you for letting me read all of your hookers!!

And the winners are...

Hope Roberson's Hooker-#53-Tyson McFrost (Frost Lord): "It's been five years since my mom took my life." Intrigue, darkness, and to the point. This first line hooked me into finding out who this character is and what happened to him.

Honorable mentions:
#71 Deana Bernhart
#10 Amanda Olivieri
#3 Tobi Summers
#32 JA Bennett
#45 Kimberly Gabriel

Jenny Morris' Hooker-#10-Amanda Olivieri: "Life is a powerful thing—blood, breath, heartbeat—but death is stronger." Roslyn's character spoke to me. We only judged on the first 3 but by the last hooker I was convinced I had to know what happens to these characters.

Honorable Mentions:
#53 Tyson McFrost (Frost Lord)
#24 Mutterings from the Oubliette
#45 The Art of Infiltration
#64 1000th Monkey
#82 Theresa Paolo

Cassie Mae's Hooker- #77-For Science: The first hooker had me: Shoes. If anyone ever asks what I was thinking as I fell through the interdimensional portal to Underhill, I can honestly say, "shoes."
I'd read the whole book just off this sentence! Funny and exciting all balled together in awesomeness!

Honorable Mentions:
#39 Gossip Girl
#5 Lisa
#45 Kimberly
#54 Michael
#28 Amy

Kelley Lynn's Hooker- #14 A.J. Locke: "I was in a strip club trying to help a ghost get laid; which was challenging, but not impossible." I laughed SO HARD when I read this line. Oh my gosh, this line alone would cause me to HAVE to read the whole book. SO funny.

Honorable Mentions:
#24 Mutterings from the Oubliette
#1 Writing on the Wall
#9 Michael Abayomi
#53 Tyson McFrost
#5 Lisa Regan

Jade Hart's Hooker- #43 Ilima Todd: Her writing was direct and had a undertone of darkness. The talk of poison, bleeding, and the breathing of someone 'not' her intrigued me to want to read the book. :)

Honorable Mentions:
#45 Art of Inflitration
#23 Emily R King
#18 Suzi- Literary Engineer
#24 Mutterings of an Obuilette
#4 Unyielding

What I loved about listing the Honorable Mentions is that we all write different things, YA Contemp, YA fantasy, NA fantasy, MG Fantasy, and YA SF. So as a group of writers, I think we represent a broad range of readers. And you can tell that we all have different tastes. Different things that draw us in, or leave us begging for more. But we also had a few overlaps. Thanks so much for joining us and we will be in contact with the winners to arrange for your prizes.

Monday Inspirations: Leigh Covington!

Eep! I'm so stoked to have our Monday Inspiration, the FANTASTICAL Leigh Covington here today!!!

Leigh has inspired me in so much! She was someone who always told me to be myself, always gave me a cyber smack when I needed one, and plus, she's such a genuine person, it's impossible not to love the girl.

I've asked a few bloggy buds to share how they've been inspired by this amazing person. :)

From Deana Barnhart: I had the pleasure of meeting Leigh in person and she simply lights up a room. It doesn't matter if she is talking about her WIP or making a joke, she makes me smile. She is somebody I am happy to call my blogger buddy and a friend.

From Cristina Dos Santos: Leigh is one of those people that just exudes warmth and positivity. So much so, you can feel it through your computer screen when you read her posts, or her comments. She is super fun and approachable. Last year, when Leigh agreed to become my critique partner, I nearly fell off my chair. She is so talented, reading her work inspires me to work harder. I totally hit the jackpot ;)

From Tasha Seegmiller: Leigh has proved that determination and work ethic triumph, as seen when she switched blogs and how many followers made the move with her.  She is radiant, sharing uplifting moments with everyone, and providing encouragement always.  I love her.

From Emily King: Leigh Covington is a fine writer and blogger. Leigh is always herself—a kind, witty, cutie pie with a hilarious, cut-the-BS sense of humor. I respect Leigh's love of writing, and of course, her preoccupation with hot celebrity men. Thanks for the eye candy, Leigh!

And now we get to hear from Leigh herself!

Here we go!

Thanks for having me here Cassie! You guys have an amazing blog and I feel so honored to be a part of it!

Fo shizzle! Thanks for letting me pick on you today :)

Why do you love to write the genre you write?

YA Fantasy is so much fun! The teenage years are so full of emotion that I love to write to that crowd. And fantasy is a blast. It's more difficult than I thought to create these new worlds, but also so much fun! The sky truly has no limits and I love playing with that power.

Totally why I love to read fantasy!

Who's your literary crush?

I hope I don't have to choose just one. I honestly love Mr. Darcy. And I love Day from Marie Lu's book, Legend! He is yummy! I won't even say Edward from Twilight because the movies totally ruined him for me. Sorry but Robert Pattinson is no Edward. *sigh*

Scary fact that I probably shouldn't admit... I once had a dream about hooking up with Harry Potter! WTHeck! Who dreams about Harry Potter in a romantic way? It was the weirdest dream ever and I promise it was the older Harry, not him as a kid. I claim that someone slipped something into my drink that night because that was too bizarre.

Whatevs! Harry Potter can be swoonworthy! I'm not even going to be ashamed to admit I dreamt about him all the time.

As in past tense... I swear!

Who inspires you as an author/blogger?

Oh wow. Another impossible question. Obviously J.K. Rowling and Stephanie Meyer. I loved their breakthrough books. I also love John Grisham and Dan Brown. And ... Cassie Mae ... you have been an inspiration too! Inspiring me to be more open and fun, plus you're brilliant with "voice" and inspire me to do better at that part of my writing. Also Kelley Lynn, Peggy Eddleman, Cristina Dos Santos, David P. King, and more! In fact everyone in the writing community is inspiring in a different way. They are open and willing to share and help each other out. There's nothing like it!

Love the authors and all the bloggers you mentioned! (Except that Cassie Mae, she's too crazy for me ;)) I totally agree with you about the amazing community!

A big thank you to Leigh and to the other awesome people who helped out today! Leigh is cohosting a blogfest in August (along with yours truly) if you are interested in participating, go ahead and click on the pic!

Have an awesome Monday, y'all! :D

Friday Spotlight--Lara Schiffbauer

Hookers & Hangers--what a success! Thank you everyone for participating and commenting! We will be announcing our winners next week :) 


Now, onto our interview...



Welcome Lara! Thank you so much for being on FFF today!


Tell us about yourself in 35 words or less—GO!

I am a mother, wife, school social worker, and dreamer who is creative and anal-retentive.  I write to maintain some level of sanity.  Well, I also write in hopes of a career change some day, too!

Without writing, I’d be clinically insane by now J And writing as a career, an excellent dream Lara!

What are you working on now?

I am plotting my second novel, The Age of Stars.  It’s a science fiction/fantasy that involves angels and quantum mechanics, with some romance thrown in because I’m a romantic.

Sounds fantastic! Quantum mechanics—all I can think about now is that show Quantum Leap J Does this mean there will be time travel? So fun!

What is one pearl of wisdom you’ve learned along your writing journey?

Just keep writing.  Even if everyone and everything is telling you that you write like a monkey on crack, ignore it, and write.  Plus, writing every day keeps negativity away.  That’s catchy, isn’t it?  It’s a matter of feeling like a writer, rather than having other people tell me I am a writer.

Writing every day keeps the negativity away! Feel like a writer! I need both of those as signs above my laptop J

What inspires you?

Children inspire me for their innocence and freedom to play.  Science and nature inspire me with the awesome power hidden behind delicate beauty.  It might be easiest to say everyday magic inspires me.

Everyday magic—perfect way to sum that up!

If Hollywood turned your life into a movie, what would the title be?

I really don’t know.  I’m really bad with titles for anything. L

I think you could go with your blog title: Motivation for Creation!

Fast Five—

Last thing you did:  Went shopping for groceries and ended up with a new purse. (Yay!)

Last thing you ate:  Panda Express, unless you count the leftovers from my son’s Happy Meal.

Last place you went:  I’m embarrassed to admit it, but that would be Walmart. The purse came from Kohl’s, though.

Last book you read:  To Kill a Warlock by HP Mallory – it was passable. I started out not enjoying it, but by the end I contemplated reading another one. 

Last movie you watched:  Legion – this movie was amazing to me. I don’t know what it was, but I thought about it for the entire next day.

Thanks so much for being here, Lara!

Now everyone, go on over and get inspired by Lara at her blog: Motivation for Creation J

Thursday Critique: The first 250 of Richard's Battlefields of Love

It's Thursday! And you know what that means. Time to take a look at a fellow writer's work!

Today we have Richard, who has so graciously asked us to critique the first 250 words of his current work in progress, Battlefields of Love. It is a historical fiction/family saga. You can find his blog, Writing and Living by Richard P. Hughes, here. 


First we'll take a look at what he has, then I'll add in my opinion. Finally, you can all give your thoughts in the comments below.

Thirteen-year-old Daphne Chauvin didn’t want to relocate again, but she had no choice—her father was a marine. In her short life, she had lived in Tennessee, North Carolina, and Mississippi. This time moving was different, because she was leaving behind in Florida the friends she had made over the past three years, friends with whom she had grown close. She brought with her from Florida the only things that were the same wherever she had lived, her books and clothes.

Small quaint Peaceville, Rhode Island, in 1940, seemed a safe place to live. Wide Main Street appeared friendly with its many tall old large-leaved maple trees, hundred-year-old white two-story homes with large wraparound porches, and many churches of different denominations.

Daphne was surprised by how cold it was in June, especially at night. After the sun set, she slipped into one of her few sweaters. Whereas, in Florida, she had slept with a sheet this time of year and might sweat in bed, here she cuddled up in a sheet and blanket. In the mornings she shivered like she did in wintertime in Florida. She wrapped up tightly in a bathrobe to eat breakfast.

Even though she had been there less than a week, she wondered if she would ever make new friends. She yearned to return to Florida.

“We just moved here,” her mother Merriam said. “It takes time, you know. But you will make friends. I promise. If not this summer, then when you go to school. You always have in the past. You will again.”

My thoughts are written in red.

Thirteen-year-old Daphne Chauvin didn’t want to relocate (I'd be careful with words like this. Would a 13yo say relocate, or move? Keep in mind how a 13yo would talk.) again, but she had no choice—her father was a marine. (This definitely is something everyone can relate to. Moving away from the things they love. You're attacking the heart strings right away. Very nice.) In her short life, she lived in Tennessee, North Carolina, and Mississippi. This time moving was different, because she was leaving behind in Florida the friends she had made over the past three years, friends with whom she had grown close. (I think you could state this sentence cleaner.) She brought with her from Florida the only things that were the same wherever she had lived, her books and clothes. (I'd be watchful of making this feel too 'listy'. If this sentence isn't relevant, I wouldn't include it here.)

Small quaint (Again, would a 13yo use quaint?) Peaceville, Rhode Island, in 1940, seemed a safe place to live. Wide Main Street appeared friendly with its many tall old large-leaved maple trees, hundred-year-old white two-story homes with large wraparound porches, and many churches of different denominations. (I LOVE the picture you've drawn for us here. I'd take away a few of the description words, otherwise readers will skim.)

Daphne was surprised by how cold it was in June, especially at night. After the sun set, she slipped into one of her few sweaters. In Florida, she had slept with a sheet this time of year and might sweat in bed, here she cuddled up in a sheet and blanket. (I don't think you need this last part as we understand it with the comment about the sweaters). In the mornings she shivered like she did in wintertime in Florida. She wrapped up tightly in a bathrobe to eat breakfast.

Even though she had been there less than a week, she wondered if she would ever make new friends. She yearned (13yr old voice?) to return to Florida.

“We just moved here,” her mother Merriam said. “It takes time, you know. But you will make friends. I promise. If not this summer, then when you go to school. You always have in the past. You will again.”

Without all the interruptions, this is what I would recommend (or something like this)

Thirteen-year-old Daphne Chauvin didn’t want to move again, but she had no choice—her father was a marine. In her short life, she'd lived in Tennessee, North Carolina, and Mississippi. But this move was different. Her family had lived in Florida for three years and Daphne had many close friends.

Peaceville, Rhode Island, in 1940, appeared friendly, with its many tall, large-leaved maple trees, and hundred-year-old, white homes with wraparound porches, but it wasn't familiar. It wasn't Florida. Even the weather was different.

Daphne was surprised by how cold it was in June, especially at night. After the sun set, she slipped into one of her few sweaters. In her last house, she had slept with a sheet and might sweat in bed. Rhode Island mornings made her shiver, like she did when it was winter in Florida.

Even though she had been there less than a week, she wondered if she would ever make new friends. She wanted nothing more than to return to Florida.

“We just moved here,” her mother Merriam said. “It takes time, you know. But you will make friends. I promise. If not this summer, then when you go to school. You always have in the past. You will again.”

Thoughts:

1. You have created a very good picture of what Daphne is feeling. I completely feel for her with having to move so often. 

2. Watch out for using language that is too old for a thirteen year old. When we're more in the 'narrator's head', we can use language a little older, but if Daphne is thinking or feeling something, we need to make sure it sounds like a 13 yo voice.

3. To avoid having it sound 'listy' connect the previous thoughts with later thoughts. Have a reason for why she's thinking the next thing. For example, I added the 'Even the weather was different' because that leads into the next paragraph about the cold weather. It flows better and doesn't sound like she's just checking off another thing she dislikes. 

4. This story doesn't start out with a 'grab you and don't let go' event, and I really like that. It starts out with reality, and you've done a great job of painting the start.

Thanks so much Richard for letting us take a stab at your first 250! 

Do our readers have any thoughts in regards to Richard's first 250? 

It's time for HANGERS!!!!!

Wowza, you guys are incredible at HOOKERS. The girls and I have spent all day trying to figure out how we are going only pick one entry a piece. I am in awe of all the talented people that join us here at Falling for Fiction. You guys ROCK!! And you are making our heads ginormous with your intro flattery. Really, FFF would nothing without all of you, so THANKS.


Now on to the blogfest. Today we will be judging everyone's first three HANGERS. We'll each pick one winner from today's posts and one winner from Monday's hookers. (MOST ENTICING HOOKER and MOST IMPOSSIBLE HANGER.) In the end there will be 10 winners. Winners will receive a ten page (double spaced) critique and a Friday Spotlight on FFF.


If Monday was any indication, I will have a HUGE list of people to whittle down to one after reading all your entries. Please make sure you guys hop over to all the entries and show support!!

Still Hopping!

I did have a recommendation for you today, but thought I'd give us all a little break and more time while we go hopping around to see everyone's hookers :)

Also to give a big THANK YOU to everyone who's participating, and who's spread the word! The FFF girls are loving the support and this bloghop has been awesome! Everyone's first lines are amazing! We'll have a hard time choosing for sure.

See you around the bloghop!

Hookers & Hangers Blogfest & Brenda Drake!! :)

You all know what day it is... It's HOOKERS DAY!!

Post those hook-line sentences that begin your chapters and bounce around the blogfest to see who sucks you in. :)

Post as many as you like! 

We will be judging everyone’s first three HOOKERS and first three HANGERS. We'll each pick two winners (MOST ENTICING HOOKER and MOST IMPOSSIBLE HANGER) making a total of ten winners! Winners will receive a 10 page (double spaced) critique and a Friday Spotlight on FFF!

AND, as if this day couldn't get any cooler! I have an amazing, super, fantabulous guest: Brenda Drake.

 Brenda doesn't know this, but she inspired me hugely. Not only was she the first person ever - outside my CP's - to see the first 250 words of my MS (then called Venom's Curse, now called SAMSARA), but she also hosted the first ever contest I entered. Her feedback on the 35 word pitch was so incredibly helpful, and, all though the agents who participated never got back to me after their requests, I'm happy to say it is soon to be published with Curiosity Quills. So a HUGE thank you to Brenda. 

Now the gushing is over and done with, I'm going to hand over to Brenda herself. 
:)

1. You recently signed a book deal with Month9Books for your YA series LIBRARY JUMPERS. I read your winning query and flip, I have to say, your book sounds awesome! Care to share?

I'm extremely excited to be working with Month9Books. My book comes out February 2014, which seems like forever away.  I'll be diving into edits soon and hopefully I'll be too busy to notice the count-down to its release.

Library Jumpers is about sixteen-year-old, Gia Kearns, who discovers that with a simple flip of a page she can transport into any library of her choosing, thus thrusting her into a Mystik world, hidden behind the bookcases of the greatest libraries in the world, where evil abounds, secrets unfold, and mortals are running out of time.

See? Doesn't that sound AWESOME!?

2. Where do you get your ideas from when it comes to writing? What keeps you motivated?

For Library Jumpers it came to me while glancing at a coffee table book about the world's most beautiful libraries. The photographs sucked me in and I wanted to go see each one. Suddenly, the idea of being transported into the library came to me, and I bought the book. The moment I got home, I started writing and creating Gia's world.

I think that's how ideas come to me most times. I see something that sparks my interest and wonder "what if . . ."

Very cool. I love when imagination just 'sparks' :)

3. Do you have any special quirks while writing? Special food? Drink? Music?

I drink way too much coffee. I eat too many Gold Fish crackers. I like it quiet. My desk must be organized with a note book beside me and a crazy amount of pens resting above my keyboard. I'm sort of obsessed with pens. My newest quirk, I have a small circular pin that says iWrite on it. I got it from author Cherry Adler (she's hilarious in person) at the RT Booklovers Convention in Chicago. She kissed it when she gave it to me and told me to put it under my keyboard for good luck. I look for it every morning to make sure it's still under my keyboard. Once it wasn't there, and I went crazy until I found it on the floor. I guess I'm superstitious. 

I am totally obsessed with pens too! I must have at least four on me at all times. lol

4. How do you get such awesome agents to participate in your contests? You host the most awesome pitch and voice workshops and are always available to help. You're a ninja!

Ha! I wish I were a ninja, but I fear I'm too klutzy to handle nunchucks. How do I get agents to do contests? I beg. Okay, I simply ask. Agents are friendly and approachable. I think it helps if you have a cool concept.

5. Where in the world (fantastical or real) would you visit?

Though I write about the fantastical, I dream of visiting Ireland. It's on my bucket list. My great-grandparents came from there. Ireland has a bit of magic to it, so it's as close to getting to the fantastical as any place on earth, in my opinion. My Irish grandmother was a crazy woman, full of wild stories. She passed that on to me.

Very cool. I've been to ireland - when I was a baby and the 'war' was on. My dad served in the RAF and we lived on the army base. I would love to go back :)

6. What's your pet peeve when it comes to writing? Things that stick out to you?

Commas. I'm an Oxford comma user. It bugs me when I read something and I think it should have a comma. I want to take a red pen out and write one in. (I'll probably miss a comma in this, and after you post it, I'll obsess about it.) Clarity. I hate when I have to read a sentence several times to figure out what the writer meant. This is usually caused by too much purple prose.

Eh oh. I'm sure I've annoyed you at some point with my comma usage! :) 

7. What's your secret to blogging? You are a member of YAlitchat and a bunch of other's where do you find the time?

I ask myself that all the time. I just work it in here and there. I really need to make a schedule. I used to work in the real world, where I followed a strict schedule. Things ran better then. Now, I just fly through the day by the seat of my pants and hope it all gets done.

8. Are you a Trueblood fan or more of a twilight kinda girl?

Trueblood. The men are hotter and older. Oh, and the story is better.

Here, Here. I drool every time Eric Northman is on screen. Yum. :)

9. And lucky last can you share some quotes from your pre-published work or even a WIP?

Okay this one is from my WIP, Saint Michael's Daughters. It's between my MC, Jude, and the school's resident bad-boy, Hudson.

"I have this fantasy about girls in Catholic school uniforms. The plaid skirts and knee high socks drive me nuts, especially when one sags down a leg."

I glance at my sock and tug the right one back up. "You're a perv."

Love the voice there! :) I laughed out loud at the saggy socks causing a fantasy :) 

And this one is from my middle grade novel, The Britanika Journals.

Max's mother said it best—theirs was a kinship of like minds that grew into a security that only best friends brought to each other. Before Annika, Max didn't belong anywhere. Before Max, Annika said she felt alone. But with her, he felt a part of something, and with him, she felt connected.

Thanks so much once again Brenda. You truly are inspirational and I know for a fact a lot of my CP's and blogging friends look up to you. Can't wait to get my hands on a copy of LIBRARY JUMPERS.

Aww, that is so sweet of you to say. I love this community. I believe in paying it forward. When I started out, I had many people help me and give me guidance. I hope I can do the same. Thank you for having me!

You can follow Brenda here:

Blog: http://brenleedrake.blogspot.com

Twitter: @brendadrake

 Now go check out all those awesome HOOKERS :) 

Spotlight: inkPageant

Happy Friday!

On Fridays we spotlight a blogger/fellow writer. inkPageant sorta breaks the mold, but it's a fantastic place to go for writerly advice and to discover many talented writers as well as share what you've got to offer.

From there website:
We want to help writers improve their craft and reach their goals.

We're not alone. There are scads of authors and aspiring writers out there willing to help each other, and they're willing to share advice through their blogs. We want to help bring it to you and make it easy to find.

Ink Pageant has a few other purposes. You can share recommended reading or sell your books through your profile page; announce book signings, conferences, and other events; and share movie or book reviews. Most importantly, posts you submit can be put in front of an interested audience, benefitting them and bringing your blog a little extra traffic.

Sounds like a pretty awesome site, right?

AND, every month they have a giveaway. Why not pop over there, look around a bit, and enter to win the July giveaway - a $25 gift card to Barnes and Noble!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Thursday Critique-SOUL DRIVER

I am SUPER excited to critique this excerpt from Talynn with Ink in the Book's MS. If you would like to check out her query you can go HERE. This book sounds AMAZING!!!

I am posting the 1st 250 first without my comments then I will post it with my comments in the text. I think I'll do maroon because it matches her amazingly cute pic she uses. Love the lace gloves!!

As always please help her out with your constructive comments AND let her know what things you think she's getting right. I for one have a hard time when someone only points out what I need to change. (Any formatting issues are Bloggers fault, not Talynn's, thanks.)

I give you SOUL DRIVER:

Ashton traced the outline glowing in his palm while he waited for his mission assignment to complete. His amethyst eyes squinted at the fireball about to unleash a new day. The morning breeze carried the beginning scents of the day straight to his crinkled nose- sweaty and unwashed bodies, rotted vegetables thrown on the edge of the road, factory smoke billowing through the air, dead fish from the river. Peasants unloaded their wagons and carts, street vendors set up their wares, and shopkeepers opened their doors. Servants unbolted the shutters of the windows and tossed out the contents of chamber pots into the streets.

As the sun exploded through the tree line from across the river, chaos erupted from behind the row of brick houses. Trampling feet like the sound of frightened horses escorted screeching and piercing screams. They cracked the dusky sky like a steam engine whistle trilling in the station. They fled across the bridge and out of town, away from the sunlight. No one heard the noise or witnessed the commotion but Ashton.

Looking down at his hand, the emblem completed it’s etching. A question mark illuminated his palm. Someone needed his help. If all went according to plan, this time we would advance first to the front line, we would vanquish the enemy, and we would bring defeat. Ashton pumped his fist, ready for action. This was his favorite type of mission and he hoped for ultimate victory. He was, after all, the firstborn of the Captain of the Soul Drivers.

************************

River tore a piece of material from the hem of her petticoat and wrapped it around her hand. The white linen turned red before she finished tying the knot. Clutching her throat, she gulped in as much air as her aching lungs could hold. The fresh breath calmed her racing heart as she rested her head on her knees, trying to clear her thoughts. An image swirled through her mind, yet River didn’t recognize the memory.

I have to get away. I have to leave now. I’m not safe any longer. How did they find me? This can’t be happening. Oh God! What am I going to do? Where can I go?

Staggering to her feet, River leaned against the side of the wagon. She strained her ears for any noise, any movement. Nothing. She had to hurry, before they came back for her. No time to think, no time to waste. They would return once they knew their assassin had failed.

The shanty door swung back and forth, creaking a sad, singsong melody as if to say goodbye. Someone had been inside her makeshift home. Panic seized her heart as she thought of the Memory Book.

Please be safe. Please be there.

Every muscle in River’s body throbbed, but she forced her legs to move forward. Her entire life hinged upon keeping the Memory Book safe, away from prying eyes. No one knew it existed. Except the Thief Takers. They had chased her for months lusting after the powers held within its pages.

AND NOW WITH MY COMMENTS:

Ashton traced the outline glowing in his palm while he waited for his mission assignment to complete. Love the name Ashton. And you've started us right off with a very intriguing sentence. I want to know why his palm is glowing and what his assignment might be. The last part of the sentence-mission assignment to complete- reads a little funny. Maybe -to be completed. His amethyst eyes squinted at the fireball about to unleash a new day. Love this description. The morning breeze carried the beginning scents of the day straight to his crinkled nose- sweaty and unwashed bodies, rotted vegetables thrown on the edge of the road, factory smoke billowing through the air, dead fish from the river This all gives a good setup of the what type of setting the story is placed. Peasants unloaded their wagons and carts, street vendors set up their wares, and shopkeepers opened their doors. Servants unbolted the shutters of the windows and tossed out the contents of chamber pots into the streets. When you follow the smells with another list of things my mind skimmed. If you have the character zoom in on specifics then maybe I will concentrate on what you're saying. What does the peasant look like? What are they wearing? Is it the peasant's body he smells? What type of wares? You don't have to make another list but if you give me snippets of details about what he's seeing then I will pay attention to them. ;0)

As the sun exploded through the tree line from across the river, chaos erupted from behind the row of brick houses. Trampling feet like the sound of frightened horses escorted screeching and piercing screams. They cracked the dusky sky like a steam engine whistle trilling in the station. They (Who is they?) fled across the bridge and out of town, away from the sunlight. No one heard the noise or witnessed the commotion but Ashton. I really like the descriptions in this paragraph but confuses me a little. What was the chaos exactly? I am the QUEEN of cryptic so I understand wanting to keep an air of mystery but maybe just a few more details to clarify the nature of what he saw.

Looking down at his hand, the emblem completed it’s etching. A question mark illuminated his palm. Someone needed his help. Nice! If all went according to plan, this time we The first time I read this the use of we through me. After reading all of it I think I understand what you mean. Originally I thought you made a mistake and meant he instead of we. So maybe if you identify who "we" is before you write these sentences the reader won't be confused. would advance first to the front line, we would vanquish the enemy, and we would bring defeat. Ashton pumped his fist, ready for action. This was his favorite type of mission and he hoped for ultimate victory. He was, after all, the firstborn of the Captain of the Soul Drivers. Okay. so by the end of Ashton's section I am thoroughly intrigued by what he does and what his mission might be.

************************

River tore a piece of material from the hem of her petticoat See here there are no lists but inserting a small detail we get a sense of where the story might be placed. and wrapped it around her hand. The white linen turned red before she finished tying the knot. LOVE the way you let us know she's bleeding without telling us. Clutching her throat, she gulped in as much air as her aching lungs could hold. The fresh breath calmed her racing heart as she rested her head on her knees, trying to clear her thoughts. An image swirled through her mind, yet River didn’t recognize the memory. 

I have to get away. I have to leave now. I’m not safe any longer. How did they find me? This can’t be happening. Oh God! What am I going to do? Where can I go? Is this the memory or is she talking to herself?. If it's a memory, I would make it visual. If she's talking to herself, I don't think you need it. You show it really well in the next paragraph. And it took me out a bit. 

Staggering to her feet, River leaned against the side of the wagon. She strained her ears for any noise, any movement. Nothing. She had to hurry, before they came back for her. No time to think, no time to waste. They would return once they knew their assassin had failed. Nice little detail of the wagon and that you identified that she's being followed by an assassin.Makes me want to know what she did. Or didn't do. Haha. ;0) 

The shanty door swung back and forth, creaking a sad, singsong melody as if to say goodbye. Someone had been inside her makeshift home. Panic seized her heart as she thought of the Memory Book. LOVE the first sentence. And now I want to know what the memory book is.

Please be safe. Please be there.
            

Every muscle in River’s body throbbed, but she forced her legs to move forward. Her entire life hinged upon keeping the Memory Book safe, away from prying eyes. No one knew it existed. Except the Thief Takers. I'd combine these 2 sentences. They had chased her for months lusting after the powers held within its pages. NICE!!

Okay, so I have to say I'm more pulled in and intrigued by River's dilemma. And I'm not sure what happens next or how Ashton and River's stories unfold but you might consider starting with River's story. But with this short of a sample, I might be completely wrong. You do a great job of showing us the setting in River's section. With Ashton's it does feel a little listy. (Which I'm also the queen at doing.) I would absolutely want to read more based on your first 250. And I'm sorry it looks like there is a ton of red. I got a bit wordy with my comments. But I loved it. ;0)

What do you think? What helpful hints do you have today? I am on vacation in sunny California. (hopefully at the beach with a drink in hand. Or building sandcastles.) I will not be able to respond to your comments but I'm sure Talynn's will be by.

Have a great weekend!!!